My Life is Leading Me

When I get out of bed in the morning I have a routine. For the sake of simplicity I will say that my routine involves getting a cup of coffee and then checking my email at my desk in my home office.  Sometimes I get bored with that routine and so I will get a cup of coffee and then read a book. I have tried to get the ‘coffee’ out of the routine, but it never works. After a week of being coffee-less I find myself at the store buying more coffee.

This morning, my routine changed. For some reason, I didn’t go to the get the coffee. I instead, went to my office. I had no reason to go to the office, and I don’t remember what I was thinking at the time. When I got to my office I saw my vase of flowers lying on its side, all the papers on my desk saturated with water. Immediately I thought of my cat.

Cute adorable cat

Cute adorable cat

I had moved the flowers to my desk in my office earlier this week because my cat had tipped the vase over on my coffee table in the other room. When that happened I tried to recover saturated magazines and assorted papers.

This time, as I picked up the papers, coupons, and notes that were saturated with water, I noticed myself. I had thought yesterday how I wanted a clean desk and now I would have it, because my cat had rendered nothing salvageable.

It seems too simple to say that ‘my life is leading me’ and I am following along, however that is exactly what happened this morning when for no reason I went into the office first instead of the kitchen to get my coffee. In fact, many times I have awaked and the first thing I hear is ‘my life is leading me’.  I have taken that as a clue from spirit to write about it in this blog.

When I become very quiet I can watch my thoughts. They go something like this: I notice the heat blowing in the room, I wonder how long it will be until it warms up, I am tired of being cold, no, I can’t say that, because the universe will think I am asking for more cold, delete that, I am grateful for the beautiful weather. The snow will melt soon and spring will come. When spring comes I will open the windows and clean the house, maybe I should start now, what do I want to do, that closet hasn’t been cleared in a long time, I will do that … and I find myself cleaning the closet.

This morning’s lesson was simple and didn’t require much thought. Apparently, my cat has a new affinity to tipping over vases of water. URG!  I guess that means no more vases at my house, at least for a while.

Sometimes it takes many lessons for me to get the point. I have been in relationships where I see a behavior over and over again that I don’t like, and yet I sit there, observe and engage with it, instead of getting up and leaving the area. Or I have gone to a store looking for a type of item that they don’t carry. I expect the store to change and carry the item, so I can get all my things at one store. Or I complain about how my muscles are turning into soft mush and I go to the neighbors for coffee instead of going to the gym.

Part of the lesson is learning to allow. I have noticed lately that when I allow, the energy dissipates. The ‘thing’ that was bothering me goes away. My husband is a great example. He might be saying something I don’t want to hear. So instead of getting into discussion about how I don’t want to hear it, I just allow him to talk. Quite quickly he has finished talking, and I smile and say ‘yes’ and he goes back to what he was doing.

Since I have been practicing allowing, I find that I now allow many things. Life has become a state of ease. I allow life to tell me what needs my attention next, and what I will do with the information.

I feel I have graduated ‘life kindergarten’ and I am in ‘life experiments.’ I know, I am pretty old to realize I am starting ‘life experiments’, but what can I say, some of us take a long time to be aware of who and where we are and what is around us.

In this ‘life experience’ class I have felt that I am led by what I notice. By doing the act of noticing, much more comes into my awareness. Even though, I still feel very busy, as though there are never enough hours in the day, I just notice it. I see how I have created that thought, from a patterned thought, and then, I ask my belief system, where did I get that thought from? I notice the ‘faulty belief system’ and tell myself that the ‘too busy’ thought is no longer the case in my life. As the day continues, I notice the next ‘thing’’ that comes into my awareness.

The experience of the cat tipping over the vase twice wasn’t hard to notice. Maybe the thought ‘about not having any more vases of flowers’ is not the answer. Maybe the answer is a sturdier shorter vase? That is something to experiment with.

And so, I allow life to lead me, like a scavenger hunt from clue to clue, excitingly anticipating what I will find next on my adventure. For the last few years, my life has been leading me to ‘hospice.’ I haven’t explored the experience yet. I just notice that when ‘hospice’ is said in a sentence, or when I read the word, it seems to jump off the page or have neon lights around it. Someday, I might see why I am attracted to ‘hospice’.

If you want the experience of leading and awareness, you will need to slow down and pay attention. Mostly pay attention to yourself. Be quiet inside, be happy and see where life leads you.